Get Back In Your Box 🏋🏽‍♀️🏋🏽‍♀️🏋🏽‍♀️

Sadly, this one's not funny.

Hello World,

After a couple of weeks regaling you with the hilarity of my life, I’m going to change gears this week and talk about something that happened that really upset me.

As you know, I have a new book coming out soon and in the writing world, "unboxing" your new book has become a social media trend. I thought long and hard about how I wanted to do my unboxing video because social media self-promotion gives me the ick.

Last Sunday morning, I woke up with the perfect idea for the unboxing. My book is about a group of women who become friends at the gym and I thought what better place than to unbox at the gym with my gym-bestie?

So we went to our 24/7 gym on Sunday afternoon when we knew the place would be fairly quiet. It's not staffed on a Sunday and there are no classes. There was me, my bestie, my husband and my daughter. All of us are members of the gym. My friend also brought her ten year old as she didn't want to leave her home alone.

There were three other people in the gym. We kept out of their way, we said hi and we explained what we were doing. We got a grin and a “congratulations” but to be honest, we were met with general indifference.

We filmed the unboxing in an unused work out room. Then we took the books around the gym and photographed them on some bikes and running machines. I shoulder pressed a few books, we propped them up next to boxing gloves, we used kettle bells as book ends. We didn’t work out, but the books got a work out! They looked fit and strong and full of hope beside barbells and dumb bells and weight plates!

I got home and uploaded the unboxing video to my socials. I thought it was beautiful and I tagged the gym. There were LOTS of positive responses: likes, shares and comments. I was happy and I didn't have a yuck feeling as though I’d been 'humble bragging' about my book.

The following day, the guy who owns the gym called me. He opened with “I’m not very happy with what went on here over the weekend.”

He said he'd seen everything we'd done on his security cameras.

He went on to outline that he was not happy for these reasons:
2 of us didn't swipe in with our fobs at the door
1 of us (my friend's 10 year old daughter) wasn't a member
1 of us was wearing "uncovered" shoes

He said I had breached contract and put his insurance at risk.

Full disclosure. Everything he said was true.

• I didn’t swipe in because my hands were full with a box of books.

• My daughter didn’t swipe in because she forgot her fob.

• My husband was wearing thongs because he was there to film and not work out.

• My friend’s daughter is not a member of the gym.

I apologised immediately and sincerely. I’ve done a lot of work over the years with my psychologist around apologies, asking for forgiveness, saying sorry and owning your mistakes. I used the word sorry several times and I reiterated the things we had done wrong. I said I wasn't thinking about his insurance or our safety and I should have considered those things.

I also made a point of saying that I could see now that - clearly - the safest and best practise would have been to call him and ask for his permission to film and photograph the unboxing in the gym, as well as checking it was okay to put pictures up on social media. Again, I apologised.

But this apology was not received.

Instead, he repeated the three misdemeanours, reminding me I’d signed a contract and reminding me that the rules were clearly posted by the door. He went over each transgression so much so that I can still hear his voice. “Thongs, Gab,” he said. “You can’t wear thongs in a gym like this!” His tone of voice caused me to feel uncomfortable. There was definite hostility and condescension. I was being chastised. I felt my heart start pounding, even though I was safe in my own home.

I then asked him a question:

"Other than apologising, what could I do to set this right? Would you like me to take down the social media post?"

His answer?

“No. But when you come in tomorrow, we are going to read the sign on the door together and review the policy."

And you know what? I suddenly knew I’d never set foot in that gym ever again. There’s no way I’m going to have him make me read out rules at the door with him.

I hung up the phone and cried, immediately seeking the wise counsel of women, asking them why I felt so upset and why I had the feeling that I’d just been attacked.

Their reassurance was swift and heartfelt:

Clearly what you did with the unboxing was a one off, not a workout. It didn’t need such an intense response.

Surely there’s a better way he could have had that conversation! Start by thanking you for promoting his gym and congratulating you on the book. Then remind you to stick by the rules next time.

But then, my friends pressed in deeper and here’s where I really started to understand why I was so upset.

Why didn’t he call your husband? He was the one wearing thongs.

Making you read out the rules? Why? Are you a little girl who needs a lesson?

And there it is.

Why didn’t he call my husband?

What’s to be gained in making me read out rules?

I’ll never know this for sure, but I feel like his response to my unboxing video was a very strong “get back in your box” message for me. For reasons I’ll never fully understand, women enjoying success can feel threatening for some men.

It’s highly unlikely anyone will ever ask that gym owner why I’m no longer at that gym. But if, by chance, someone did, I’m sure he might say I did the wrong thing, he pulled me up on it and I got the shits and left.

The truth is, I won’t be going back because I don’t deserve to be humiliated. I’ve just written a hundred thousand word book and had it published.

I won’t be going back because I will not be degraded reading and reviewing bold print rules pinned up at a gym door.

I won’t be going back because I don’t want to feel intimidated every time I walk past him at the front desk.

I won’t be going back because I don’t want to have to walk on egg shells in a place I pay to attend and in a place where I should feel welcomed and safe.

I won’t be going back because I no longer put myself in places where women are not afforded the same respect and safety that men are automatically given.

Fortunately there are loads of other gyms I can attend and my friendships at the old gym will definitely stand this test - we’ll certainly keep socialising outside of the gym as we already had been.

I’m also going to email Old Mate and let him know why I’m leaving. He’s got a great gym on his hands and some awesome women who teach there and attend the classes. I want them to feel safe and valued. I’ll be letting him know there was a better way to have that conversation and I’ll be asking why he didn’t call my husband if he had such an issue with the thongs!

Ironically (and this is a little bit funny) my new book The Angry Wives Club is - among other things - a story about women who feel dissatisfied by discrimination and sexism at their gym, so they take matters into their own hands!! Lesson for me - be careful what you write, it may come true!

If you’re curious to see the unboxing video, you can watch it here.

If you want to pre-order a copy of The Angry Wives Club, you can do so here.

And if you want to share with me some time when a man made you feel like you’d done the worst thing in the world when really you hadn’t… you can email me (gabrielle@gabbiestroud.com).

Or be brave and leave a comment down below so we can lift each other up! (If you’re reading this in your email browser, you’ll need to jump over to substack so you can comment. That’s easy, just click here.)

Hopefully next week, I’ll have something funny again.

You matter.

Gabbie

PS Have you read Gary Lonesborough’s latest book yet? It’s a Young Adult fiction called Good Young Men and I’m reading out loud with Yaya, The Boph and Babes. We are loving it. It’s giving me hope! Get yourselves a copy as soon as you can!